Slowly losing my mind...

[Leafshadow]

--Before Midnight--

(Lucan's point of view)

Nothing--I repeat, nothing-- was going as planned. Not even my wardrobe was as normal and plain as it always was. You know, the classic black pants and classy white shirt. With my previous one bloodstained, I had no choice but to change into a nice faded blue shirt.
Sure it wasn't my usual style, but beggars can't be choosers, right? I shook my head as I sighed, then reached to pull my slick back hair back into a tight ponytail. Otherwise, it would get in my way. Like I had to worry about something like THAT right now. It was the least of my priorities at the current moment.

"So much to do, so little time." I said quietly to myself, legs dangling off the roof's edge as I sat silently, solemnly, seeking solace. My paled, dry hands gripped the plastic gutter firmly; as if it would help if I lost my balance. More likely than not it would break from all of the weight.
Again, it's not as if a fall from the second story would break any bone in my body like a normal human's.
"Speaking of humans," I thought out loud to myself, the deafening thirst rising up in my throat. Maybe I should have grabbed a bite out of the refrigerator when Geirsha had offered. Then again, usually I was pretty good with keeping my thirst for blood under control. Tonight, however, was a different story. With so many things on my mind, nagging at me for attention, my hunger had been pushed to the side, ignored, and now I was paying the consequences.
Behind me, I could hear the hushed, distinct voices of my clan, thick with worry-- the same worry that was running laps in my head. They were just as concerned as me, if not even more.
It's funny though, when it comes to that. I don't really want them to see me loose it again, or to worry myself sick. I've found nature to be my best ally-- the one who always listens to me, time and time again, no questions asked, no judgements made.
If nature actually gave a whoop though, then why were werewolves created? They're causing nothing but trouble lately, and I'm not sure if I can handle any of this.

I think I might be slowly going insane. Minute by minute, hour after hour, I feel as if my sanity is slipping away from me.

If those dang werewolves didn't exist, then my life would be so much easier, so much more peaceful, so calm. But they do, and I'm stuck with them.
But something's gotta give sooner or later. Something has to change, I know it. I just don't know how that's going to happen, though.

Something's gotta change.

[Saberstar]

((Should we rp this through 1st person??!!! That would be so fun .o.))

[Leafshadow]

((Yeah!! It would be fun! Go right ahead.)

[Saberstar]

((yay!!))


I looked at him, feeling pity tug at my heart. The leader of our coven, our strong and wise leader, was falling apart...so frazzled, so worried. I felt my eyes tear with pity for him, the werewolf situation had been eating him alive. And though I stood there in silence...I knew he could hear me, I stepped out into the moonlight, putting my hands to me heart. "Lucan," I whispered carefully, I didn't want to startle him because he may injure himself or even me.

He wasn't in his right mind, so distant, so lost. I had always looked up to him, feeling proud to be under the leadership of such a wonderful monster. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked when I was sure he was alright. His eyes were lit with a wild flame, though wearyness and a cry for mercy hid behind those iris'.

[Leafshadow]

--Before Midnight--

"No." I said, tilting my neck back sharply and letting out a small, pained groan. I'm not even sure why, actually. I'm trying so hard to keep all of this...worry, this tenseness under control. This is almost like rubbing it in Geirsha's face.
"No, not unless you can turn back time, or throw those dogs into another universe." I told her, at first not even aware how cold and remote my normally-soothing voice had become.
"This is out of control." I groaned, this time pushing a strand of hair out of my face. My feet still dangled loosely over the building's ledge. "So very, very, very out of control. And there's nothing you or I can do about it."

[Echostar]

--Before Midnight--

My steps grew slower and slower as I dragged my wretched feet up the stairs. I was tired, but not physically so. Let's face it, vampires don't get tired. And there I go again; trying to distract myself from what's been on my mind all week. I looked up and reached out my hand, expecting to open my door, but I all I saw were trees, fields, and sky. What? I looked back, my room door open as well as the door to my balcony and looking down, I realized my feet were pushed againt the edge of the railing on my balcony. Great. My mind is so filled and I'm so 'not here' that I can't even control my body anymore. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm myself down, but I was past that point. Who am I kidding? There's nothing to be calm about and this is no time to be calm. I rested my head my hand, my elbows digging into the stone railing. Why can't things be simple? Why can't life be easy? I read the books; the life and love stories. Life is nothing like that. There's always something more and there's never a happy ending. Even human lives don't work that way, and they don't even have anything to worry about.

I sighed loudly, letting my mind wander to wherever it wished to go. Then I heard something. Voices, talking softly and covered by the midnight breeze. Above me? I look up at the roof to see Lucan and Geirsha seated on the roof a little ways off. It'd be easier to just listen in, but I'd promised Lucan I'd keep from reading minds if I could help it. And I was concious enough to help it. Groaning, I pushed myself to jump onto the roof. I was about to take a step before I realized something; I'm on a roof and I'm blind. shit. "Geirsha? Lucan?" I called into the blackness. If they ignored me or didn't respond, I'd leave. How I was going to leave was another story.

[Saberstar]

I flinched at Lucan's harshness, I knew he didn't mean it though. He was hurting, I couldn't judge him for that. I knew, in my heart, his words were so true....frighteningly true. I heard another come from behind me and turned to see that beautiful blind beast, Cillian. I looked down, even though he couldn't see me, I was blushing again. "We're here Cillian..." I responded.

[Echostar]

I heard Geirsha's lovely voice call out to me, but it was softer than I expected; she's obviously either nervous or surprised to see me. So I was right, she and Lucan were on the roof. I smiled my normal smile as I carefully placed one foot in front of the other, hoping I wouldn't misstep. God how I hate walking on uneven ground. Uneven and slanted ground is even worse. I took a deep breath as I stepped forward again, my leg shaking from nervousness. Dammit! Why do I always get shakey when Geirsha's around?! It's going to kill me one day. Just then, I stepped onto a loose tile and down slid my leg. My body began to rock back and forth as I tried to regain my balance, but I was too far gone and started to fall. I felt as if I should scream or yell or something, but I all I could manage was "shit!". Nice last words. It's not like hitting the ground would hurt me too drastically. I think... The embaressment from falling would be enough. I tried to reach out to grab something, but, being blind, I had no idea what was around me that I could grab onto..

[Saberstar]

I quickly leapt forward and snapped my hand down, gripping his wrist firmly with my fingers, gasping at his near fatality. I stared into those blank eyes, quivering as I pulled him up and held on to his arms, looking up at him, my heart slamming against my ribs. "You okay?" I asked, taking his arm and guiding him across the rooftop.

[Echostar]

It took me a few moments but I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I-I think so," I replied. I was completely shaken up and I didn't want to move my feet for fear of possibly falling again. I heard the faint thud of the roof tile as it hit the ground below. I allowed Geirsha to lead me over the where Lucan was. "S-sorry for that. I'll never walk on a roof again."

[Saberstar]

I grinned, my eyes closed. "At least not without a guide." I said, knowing he would eventually have to do this again. I decided to leave those two be, they probably had important things to talk about. I slowly and carefully walked back to the room, lifting my dress as I entered the window. It felt good to have even flooring beneath me again.

[Leafshadow]

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, my horrible, horrible thoughts. I didn't even hear Cillian bang his elbows on the metal bar, or even him scrambling up the rooftop. I was so lost in thought that it took Geirsha's nervous voice to yank me out of my own mind. Man, I really need to pay more attention to these things. I ran my fingers though my hair yet again, putting on a slight smile and rising to my feet.
I couldn't help but think of what might have happened if it had been just me on the rooftop. By the time I would have realized I was not alone, Cillian would be on the ground, yelling for help.
"Welcome to the rooftop, Cillian." I said, letting my hands fall to my side.

[Echostar]

((Oh dear. I seem to have a knack for killing the role-play xP Let's try this again...))

"Thanks," I replied half-heartedly. At least Lucan was trying to act normal; the effort has been noted. I inhaled sharply, trying to buy a little time to think of how to start this, even though I didn't want to start it anyway. But nothing was going to happen if someone didn't take the first step. The idea's been thrown out there, but, as it's my idea, it's my responsibility to see it through. "Lucan," I began, closing my eyes. I really didn't want to do this. But this whole thing has been eating away at me for weeks and I've got to stop it. "Lucan, we need to talk about the wolves. I know I threw an idea out and everyone seemed to like it, but we can't do anything with it unless we refine it and work out all the details. I'd like to work everything out tonight and then rest a day before putting it all into action, if that's ok with you..."

[Leafshadow]

---Midnight---

I relaxed my tensed shoulders a little bit after hearing Cillian's question. Sure, it wasn't what I wanted to here right now, but I think it was what I needed. On any 'normal' day, I could say that I felt somewhat pressured. The tenseness just never seems to leave me, ever. There's always something for me to think about; to worry about. I can't even go a minute without one these thoughts invading my privacy. But now...the pressure and thoughts are a hundred times worse. I can almost feel the pressure of everyone on me. The pressure to do well, to stay positive, and to pull us out of this mess. I'm almost glad to get this off my chest. I definately think I'll feel better if we had a plan, instead of this... living in fear.
"We really need to figure out what we're going to do about those stinking dogs." I replied, trying not to let my gloom leak into my voice. My eyes stared ahead blankly, unblinking. "Well," I said, glancing up at the darkened sky. "We've got all night. It's not like we need to sleep. Now what did you have in mind?"

[Echostar]

I smiled, grateful Lucan was interested in talking about this. "Well," I began, still trying to pull the plan together in my mind. "I've been thinking about this and I'm positive I have a way out of it. The wolves want the cure and they want it now, but we still need more time to complete it. So what we need is a distraction to keep them in the woods and out of our hair until the cure is finished. So I propose we do this: kill humans and frame the wolves for it. This way, the humans will be searching around in the woods and the wolves will have to stay quiet and hidden so as not to be seen. We all know what it'll be like if the humans find out we exist, so they'll have no choice. This will by us as much time as we want because we can kill however many humans we need, but we can't keep it going for too long or the wolves might suspect something. We'll also have to be EXTREMELY careful when we go about this so they don't pick up on anything." I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes, trying to recall what else I had thought of while Lucan digested what I had already said.